Dealing with our lack of faith - by Jaques Fesch

Faith is not a means but an end, and your formal refusal of it comes only from a lack of humility.  You are refusing the most powerful help that can be given!  All the same, I understand this very well, because I used to have the same reactions.  We do not want to see.  We need to take only a little step, but it means leaving behind bitterness and pride and surrendering to the will of the One who can do everything.  You especially… who are so unhappy and so alone!

“Come to me, all you who labour and are burdened, and I will give you rest…”

What more do we want? What are we chasing after, if not relief from our misery?  O Creator, have pity on your creatures.  Consider that we do not understand ourselves, that we do not know what we want, that we have no idea what we are asking for.  Lord, give us light. 

How hard it is to love someone who does not love you, to open to someone who does not knock, to give health to someone who enjoys being sick and cultivates illness! “Have pity on those who have no pity for themselves!”…

You see, when I did not believe, I imagined that faith was merely autosuggestion, and that a person could come to belief simply by saying “I believe”.  My reasoning was based on my feeling that understanding was impossible, and on the contradictions I thought I had observed.  I was sure that this reasoning was logical and true and so it strengthened my conviction that God did not exist.

Now, I no longer understand how I ever managed not to believe.  It all seems so far away.  The most judicious reasoning and deductions, which used to attract me, now seem vain and above all “highly Improbable!”

Because of this, I can see that faith is truly a gift of God.  One believes with the heart, without knowing why or even seeking to know.  The intimate certitude that fills one is enough.  Of all things, love is the most powerful.

Jaques Fesch ( + 1957) was a murderer who experienced a profound conversion before his execution in a French prison. 

When God Disappeared

I knew something was not right… there was an empty feeling deep inside of me.  When I sat down to pray it felt like I was there all by myself; when I read the scriptures I could not hear His voice.  I started to miss Him, missed hearing His voice and feeling His presence.  Has God disappeared from my life?  I started to panic, but I did not know what to do except going about my daily routine. 

Slowly I started to realize that I was turning into a different person…  

She was bitter, selfish and drawn to things that were not pleasing to the Lord. She was self-centred, put her own needs before God. She had hidden agendas in what she did, yet felt empty.  She was spiritually paralysed.  

I did not like that person at all, and I panicked! 

They say “desperate times need desperate measures”… I decided to do what Jacob did; wrestle with God till I begin to hear His voice again and feel His presence again… until  I have that intimacy I once had with Him.

Later that day I was led to read the Acts of the Apostles, suddenly everything made sense... 

After the resurrection, Jesus promised His Disciples the baptism of the Holy Spirit.  He says “you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” (Acts 1: 8)

And THEN, He disappears!!!  

When Jesus disappeared, the disciples went into the upper room and joined together constantly in prayer.  It was then, that the promise was fulfilled…   

There will be moments in our lives when we will lose Him, but the good news is, we can find Him. 

In Jeremiah 29:13 God says “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart”. 

The secret to find Him is to seek him with all your heart.  I am surround by people who are in a deep journey with God.  They are not people who seek Him half-heartedly, or when it is convenient.  They seek Him every morning, every moment, about everything they choose to do and not choose to do. They do not seek Him to get something; they seek Him to find Him and Him alone.

Seeking God and His leading is serious business.  It is not a task we can delegate, or put on hold.  God wants to be found by those who seek Him, and if we are not seeking Him with all our hearts we may never find Him.  When we seek Him with all our heart we not only find Him, but receive power from on high... a power that we do not have in us, to be His witnesses to the ends of the earth.