The longest three weeks of my life...

The longest 3 weeks in my life ends today, and my son will be home for the first time after he enlisted for National Service. 

During our almost daily telephone calls I felt that he was changing, from the carefree young man I called my son to a soldier who has begun to train and live for a purpose bigger than him.  Yes, I am proud of him and I am also accepting that his world is growing bigger from being my son to being a soldier, and soon, a boy friend, a husband, a father… and simultaneously his world as my son will grow smaller, and less important. 

This morning as I was in prayer, I realized, may be God too would have dreaded at the thought of sending me into this world for my “national service”.  He would have watched my world over here growing bigger than HIM, and HE becoming a less important part of my life.  He saved me from myself by sending storms and angels to make me come to my senses and realize who I am and why I am here.

While in prayer this morning, I realized that God is waiting for me to come home just like I am waiting for my son to come home.  HE is counting the days, the hours and waiting for me to come home, to give me the biggest hug and tell me how much he missed me, and hold me close to HIS heart never to be separated again.

As for my son, I have no fear any more… because I know he will always be a soldier for Christ and a man of God.  I know this because God has put HIS seal on my son, and HE goes after those HE has called HIS own.  I take comfort in the love of God that comes looking for us; in the storms and angels HE sends our way, when our world over here begins to grow bigger than HIM.

Going back to the place of failure...

It was a tough business day for Simon… he had returned from the sea empty handed.  It was the nature of his business… there were good days, and bad days.  He was ready to move on and get ready for the next day.  When he had finished washing his nets, the carpenter sitting in his boat and preaching to the crowds, tells Peter to go out into the deep and cast his nets again. 

Go out into the deep?  The very place he came back a little while ago empty handed?  The place of failure?  The carpenter says “Yes” that’s the place…  Simon must have muttered to himself "sure, you are the carpenter and you know all about fishing, lets go..."

1 Corinthians 3:21 says “God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe”.  As always, Simon would not have understood many things that Jesus preached that day, but he must have seen something what the educated and the respected did not see in the young carpenter.  Instead of moving on, he moved back to the very place of failure... this time with the Son of God in his boat, and he found a miracle in the place of failure.

Time and time again, the Lord is sending me to the very places that I experienced failure, insecurity, pain, rejection… The world tells me “move on”, but Jesus says “go back into the deep and cast out your net”.  Go back into the deep – the very place I just returned empty handed, frustrated, angry, disappointed... and HE is asking me to throw the net of forgiveness, kindness, love, patience, to the very people who I prefer to stay away from.  This time I know I am not going there alone or coming back empty handed, because Jesus is in my boat, and I am ready to be saved through another foolish act that God is calling me to do.

When I sit on my God's shoulders...

I was caught-up with work and deadlines for a few months at a stretch which caused my prayer life to suffer.  Yeah, that sounds better than saying that I was unfaithful to my God, or that it was too inconvenient for me to wake up a little early to sit before the creator of the universe.  

He is a God who comes after the one who goes missing... so He came after me, and carried me back on His shoulders.  He did not stop there, but went on to make a few adjustments in my life, and I have been getting some extra time in the mornings to sit before the Lord! 

Over the years I have learnt, when I come to that place where GOD is where He should be in my life, His presence becomes very real, and HIS voice becomes very clear.  When I sit before Him in prayer, He takes me to places in the scriptures that speak about the very things that I have been talking to Him about.  

This is what He did this morning…

Of late, the hunger for Him in my life has been so great, and I have been asking the Lord to scoop out everything that is of me, making me a empty vessel which He can live inside.  The Song “I need you more” has been my own prayer these few days...

I need you more, more than yesterday 

I need you more, more than words can say 

I need you more, than ever before 

I need you, Lord, I need you more

More than the air I breathe, more than the song I sing

More than my next heartbeat, more than anything

Lord as time goes by, I will be by your side

Cause I never want to go back to my old life

During my prayer this morning, I was led to read Psalm 42 and as I started to read, I found the first two verses are simply echoing my own prayer few seconds ago...  

 ¹ As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.

 ² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?

I love it when He does that… it is like He is telling me “I hear you”.

Last morning, when I was praying for some people who desperately need divine intervention in their lives, I was led to read 2 Kings Chapter 6.  It was the incident where Elisha and his servant were surrounded by an army that was about to attack them.  When Elisha's servant gets frightened, Elisha asks the Lord to open his servant’s eyes so that he will see that "those who are with us are more than those who are with them", and immediately the servant started to see armies with chariots of fire around them ready to protect them.  

I felt that the Lord was leading me to pray the prayer of Elisha… "O Lord, open his eyes that he may see".  Just like Elisha’s servant's eyes were open to see what human eyes are not capable of, the Lord is going to open the eyes of the people who are unable to see beyond their own circumstances and they will see the presence of God around them.  

When I am right with God, I start a prayer and He finishes it.  I think I am going to sit here for a while... on my God's shoulders.  

Praise the Lord!

Fool for God

When Jesus was presented to Herod, the scriptures say Herod was "greatly pleased, because for a long time he had been wanting to see Him".  

Herod was pleased to see Jesus for the wrong reasons, he wanted to satisfy his curiosity, nevertheless, he was pleased.  Finally, an influential man who can make a difference in the case against Jesus.  All that Jesus had to do was perform a miracle, preach a sermon and Herod could have made it all go away.

The scriptures say, "but Jesus gave him no answer".  

Why didn't He do something?  One miracle, one sermon, was all it would take to change the whole thing, and probably even convert Herod in the process.  But Jesus was silent even though it cost him much... His ministry, His dignity, His good name and His life.  

The silence of Jesus did NOT please Herod.  What took place after that, caused a chain of events that started to change the lives of billions of people.  

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong" (1 Corinthians 1: 27).

Jesus was silent because He was aware of a greater truth;

Jesus knew God uses the foolish things of the world to shame the wise.  The world says only fools trust God when you can trust the influence of the powerful. So He chose to do the foolish thing, He chose to trust God.

Jesus knew, God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  The world says, it is the weak who try to please God who is a "killjoy" when you can enjoy all that the world has to offer.  So He chose to do the weak thing, He chose to please God.  


Jesus knew obedience to God and inner responses to the Father releases a power that goes beyond time and life itself.  So He became a fool for God.


How I wish, what I know in my mind becomes a truth in my heart, and when I make choices in life, I will have the supernatural power of God to give inner responses even though it could cost me much.  I know I am not capable of it, and the chances are, I will take the easy way out.  But deep down inside my heart, there is a tiny seed that God has planted, which desires to please Him and Him alone.  So I wait for the day that the Lord sets me free from myself completely to be a fool for Him.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me".  (Psalm 51:10)

Jesus or Miracles?

Recently I saw a video clip from a movie of St. Peter where St. Peter and the disciples went back to fishing after Jesus was crucified. When they returned empty handed, a man on the shore shouted out to them to cast the net on to the other side... they did as they were told, and drew in a net full of fish.

When St. Peter recognised the man on the shore was Jesus, he jumped into the water, and swam towards the Lord... leaving the fish, the boat and his friends behind.  This was the was not the first time that St. Peter left a boat full of fish to follow the Lord.

Leaving behind the net full of fish meant letting go of some extra cash... the "break" he was waiting for... proof that he is not a "loser" after all... a reason to celebrate... In short, he let go of the miracle to hold on to the Lord.  No wonder he was chosen to take the place of Jesus in the church!

The incident spoke to my own heart. Often I get distracted by the blessings and the miracles, and I come very close to holding on to them instead of the Lord. Often I think of taking a break from Him to enjoy His blessings in my life...

When I go before Him in prayer, He begins His usual "open heart surgery" and I begin to see how easy it is to hold on to the miracles and blessings instead of Him, how easy it is to serve Him without having that intimate relationship with Him, and how easy it is to walk away from Him... and having been there before, I know what it could cost me.

As I continue to sit at His feet, He makes me realise, that no one or nothing is worth leaving Him for. And He gives me the wisdom to let go the blessings, that I may hold on to Him.  He makes me realise, the greatest blessing and miracle in my life is Jesus Himself.  

What would I do without Jesus in my life?  I don't want to know...

El Roi, The God who sees me

I was browsing through books at Borders, when my eyes caught the title of a book.  It read, "The Woman who Named God".  I wish I bought that book that day, but the title of the book kept coming back to me over and over again.
 
The woman who named God, or the first person to give God a name for that matter, was Hagar.  She was a woman in a crisis who ran away to the desert.  In the desert, God came looking for her, and spoke to the broken, betrayed, pregnant woman who no one really cared about.  The encounter with the Creator of the universe, changed Hagar's life, and in a way, the entire human history.  For the first time in her life, she experienced love, that she is a valuable person, realised that her future is safe, that she and her unborn child will be taken care of.  She gave a name to the God who saw her when no one else did, cared for her when no one else could not be bothered, and carried her out of the bottomless pit she was falling into... she called Him El Roi, which means "You are the God who sees me".  Her words are captured in Genesis 16:13 "You are the God who sees me".  "I have seen the One who sees me".

Psalm 139 says;
O Lord, you have search me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
You are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord

Before a word comes to my tongue he knows it COMPLETELY?
He knows my thoughts?
He is familiar with ALL my ways?
AND He still loves ME?

The Lord is speaking to my heart, "Yes, I know everything about you. I know you can’t be faithful. I know you can’t follow me with your strength. I know sometimes you don’t even like to be with me, but be somewhere else… I get you… that is why I come after you. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I AM. I will never, never let you go.

El-Roi comes looking for me every time I fall, every time I fail, every time I can’t be faithful, every time I run away… He comes after me.  And then I feel His love and His presence and I realize what a fool I had been trying to find joy, love, acceptance, recognition when I can find much, much more when I am lost in the heart of God. 

The Match is Fixed

Referring to the inner journey of Jesus during Lent, and His resurrection, Lalith Thaththa (Bro. Lalith Perera) said "the match was fixed and the winner decided".  Little did I know that these words would become an experience for all of us.

Few weeks ago, my eldest son who is crazy about skateboarding fell off his skateboard, hit his knee on the concrete and even though we could not see any external wound, he was in severe pain.  He was still in pain on Sunday when we attended mass, and after that the prayer meeting.  During the worship, my son came to me, moved his injured leg in every possible way and whispered into my ear "no pain".  Just then, we heard words of knowledge coming through the recorded video of the Mabole prayer meeting that we were watching.  The very next word, spoke about a person who had injured his right knee and said the Lord is healing that person.  The most amazing thing is, my son was injured on Friday but the word of knowledge was actually spoken Tuesday of that week - 3 days before he was injured.  Before my son fell and hurt his knee, God had decided to heal him.


This is not just about a healing of an injured knee, God has spoken about each one of us.  When we give Him the ownership of our lives, the words that He has spoken about us begin to manifest in our lives.  He knows we will fall - into sin and into weakness.  Therefore He has spoken the word to restore us even before we fall.  The moment we come to Him and make a decision to belong to Him, the words He has spoken begin to heal us, restore us and lead us to a place that we could never make it on our own. Remember Abraham? When God found Abraham, he was an old man, no children, probably moving from place to place in the desert.  Today we call Abraham the "Father of Many Nations" and "Friend of God".  That is how far God will take all of us, who decide to belong to Him and go where He sends us.


It is time for my son to join the Army for his National Service.  As parents we have been afraid... afraid that he will forget the experience that God gave him.  We have been praying and asking the Lord not to hide His face from our son during the next two years, when he most probably will enter into a different life style.


This morning, the Lord reminded me a promise He gave us the day we decided to serve Him.  The promise is in Isaiah 59:21 "As for me, this is my covenant with them." says the Lord.  "My Spirit, who is on you, and my words that I have put in your mouth will not depart from your mouth, or from the mouths of your children, or from the mouths of their descendants from this time on and forever," says the Lord.


God has spoken.  He has spoken about us, about our children and their children.  The words He has spoken has no expiry date.  He says this will happen "from this time on and forever".  Praise the Lord!

The Flesh Woman must Die

I once read a book called "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World".  The Author, Joanna Weaver writes about the Flesh Woman (the Flesh) and the Spirit Woman (the Spirit) who lives in each one of us.  In most of us, the Flesh Woman is active and dominant, while the Spirit Woman is either sleeping or dead.  When we receive the Baptism of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit woman (the Spirit) comes alive in us.  Then the war starts... the Flesh Woman who has been in control till then, kicks and screams when the Spirit Woman tries to take control.  The writer shows the importance of the death of the Flesh Woman for the Spirit Woman to live in us.

As I enter into prayer, the Lord started to show me what is going on in my own heart, and surprise, surprise!  I am living in the flesh most of the time.  

I started to give HIM excuses: "but Lord, I did that / said that only because the other person said it / did it first...".  

He is not interested in finding out who is right or wrong, He is focused on saving the Spirit Woman.  

HE is not paying attention to my excuses, HE is working on making the Spirit Woman strong once again.

Recently, Lalith Thaththa said something that really shook me... "if God judges us the way we judge others...."  I have been totally and utterly guilty of this sin - I have judged and condemned people - so easily and so quickly - not giving them a chance to explain.  

The Lord is showing me, that my sin is too dangerous and too great.  HE is reminding me, that HE sent me on the mission to serve, to wash the feet and not to judge. Until I am truly set free from the flesh, I sit at the feet of Jesus and hold on to HIS promise in Luke 19:10 "For the Son of man came to seek and save what was lost".  HE has come after me, not to judge me, but to save me.  Praise the Lord!

I need You more, more than yesterday

I need You Lord, more than words can say

I need You more, than ever before

I need You Lord, I need You Lord

More than the air I breathe

More than the song I sing

More than the next heartbeat

More than anything

And Lord, as time goes by

I'll be by your side

Cause I never want to go back, to my old life

I need You more...

Right here in Your presence is where I belong

This old broken heart has finally found a home

And I'll never be alone…

I need you more…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdQpTDMKw08

The Sound of Heaven

After an entire evening of healing the sick and setting free those who were under evil oppression, Jesus was becoming popular and well-known. The people were gathering around HIM. Demons were trembling before HIM acknowledging HIM "the Son of God".

The ministry of Jesus had started with a blast! HE goes to a solitary place to share with the Father what is happening, how people are touched by the supernatural power of GOD. Then the Father begins to speak to Jesus, and HE hears the Sound of Heaven.

People come looking for Jesus, and they realise HE is getting ready to leave. They plead with HIM to stay, but Jesus says: "I must preach the good news of the Kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent" (Luke 4:43). He is leaving the moment of glory, the place of success because HE has heard the Sound of Heaven.

How often success, acceptance and recognition keeps me from going where the Lord is sending me. How often I get distracted from my mission because of the very blessings of God in my life. How often I try to serve HIM within my comfort zone. How often I ignore the difficult or boring missions that God places before me. Far too many!

I had become too tired of serving the people I was sent to, and was waiting for a distraction, when I found one in the form of a friend. One day in prayer, the Lord showed me that I had allowed myself to get distracted from my mission. That Sunday, I returned to the people HE sent me, kicking and screaming in my heart. As I sat there, a mother came and started to share her life with me, and another two joined and as a result today we are preparing 5 young women to be baptised this Easter! What a fool I had been, trying to find a few minutes of enjoyment and ignoring the mission of God!

As I write this, I hear the Sound of Heaven, "be careful not to hold on to the excitement, or the success, because it is not about success or failure, but about being on the journey in the mission of God - because that is why I was sent. Praise the Lord!

Can you hear the Sound of Heaven?

Crisis and a Blessing?

Only God can do it... send a blessing wrapped up in a crisis.

Few years ago, when I was facing a crisis at work I thought everything was over. But it was the very crisis that brought me to where I am today in my relationship with God, His mission for me, and the dream job that I have today.

Jesus is the gift that came wrapped up in a crisis into the womb of Mary, the Mother of God.

The death of Jesus on the cross is a gift wrapped up in a crisis.

The God who says "My ways are not your ways" sends us gifts wrapped up in crisis.

The Blessed Mother who was overshadowed by the Most High saw beyond the crisis in her life to the blessing God sent for the entire human kind, that made her sing and glorify the Lord.

As I started to learn the ways of God, there is a story that comes to my mind whenever things don't turn out the way we want. It is called "The Pony and the Dung Heap"... the story says, when the little girl was taken to a room full of horse dung she got excited and shouted "with all this dung, there must be a pony in here somewhere".

Last November, the day before the Four Steps Retreat when we went to the church in the evening to set up the hall and the sound equipment, we learnt we did not have access to the sound equipment, nor a room we planned to use if we run out of space in the hall. The Parish Office was closed for the long weekend, and there was no one we could turn to. All we could do was enter into prayer. As we entered into prayer, remembering the moments in our lives where God changed every crisis into a blessing and glorifying HIM, praising HIM for what HE did in the past, someone managed to contact the Parish Secretary and she agreed to cancel her plans for that evening and come and get us the necessary keys. While talking to her we learnt that there was going to be a large number of people coming for the retreat, and the parish hall and the room will not be enough. The nice lady, on her own contacted the Parish Priest who was more than willing to accommodate us, and made it possible for us to use the church instead! Another Blessing wrapped up in a crisis.

The crisis that God allows to come into our lives is only a wrapping paper that wraps a greater blessing beyond what we could ever think of.

May the Holy Spirit open our eyes to see beyond the crisis and rejoice in the blessing that is about to unfold. May we realise that "with all this dung, there must be a pony in here somewhere".

Zechariah did not Twitter!

I was reading Luke Chapter 1, and was amazed at the man Zechariah. He was a priest in the temple of God whose duty was to burn incense. He lived with his wife in a manner that was pleasing to God. Luke 1:6 says they were upright in the sight of God.

What made them "upright in the sight of God"?

What did they do to be pleasing to God?

After all, Zechariah's duty in the temple of the Lord was to burn incense.

As I continued to read Luke Chapter 1, I found it more and more difficult to understand what made Zechariah a man pleasing to God. When the Angel Gabriel told him "your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son..." instead of thanking God Zechariah asked "how can I be sure of this?".

Then, I came to verse 23 and suddenly everything became clear to me. Luke 1:23 says "When his time of service was completed, he returned home"

I was shocked! Imagine, if you have been praying for something for a long time, and God sends an Angel to say your prayers will be answered, won't you stop everything you are doing, run and share the news with your family and friends? Get on Skype, Facebook, Twitter, Phone, SMS and let the rest of the world know about it? How often we leave the Lord and HIS mission to go and "celebrate" the good that God sends us?

I thought too little of Zechairah, there is much to learn from the old priest who performed a very small duty at the temple. He did not delegate his duty to someone else so that he can go and celebrate... but continued in his mission until his time of service was over.

Often we forget that God is the greatest blessing in our lives. Often I have second thoughts when I have to go for intercessory prayer. I look at Zechariah, and I see a man who was serving GOD, a man who knew that GOD is the greatest blessing, and being on the mission is the best way to celebrate.

Lord Jesus, I live in a world full of distractions and attractions that sometimes get bigger than you in my eyes. Lord, I ask your forgiveness for the things I left you for, and I come and fall at your feet, not wanting to get up from there. But Lord, in a few minutes I go into the world, and once again I will meet those distractions and attractions, but may your presence go with me, may you become my greatest distraction and the attraction.